Better is the End of a thing....

Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof: and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.
Ecclesiastes 7:8

As I approach the end of my vacation in Santo Domingo I start thinking, “Why does it seem I always just start having fun when it’s time to go”? My mind takes me back to a whole lot of experiences in my life that prompted the same question. It seems that’s just kinda how it is. I think of the times when the party just got started at curfew, when I was just heading out of the door of the party and my favorite song would come on, when I just started making good friends and learning my way around town and then I had to move, when I just got my groove going on a job and it ended or when I just got to know a person and they transitioned….. it was just getting good! Such is life. If we believe what the word says in Ecclesiastes 7, it only makes sense.

As 2011 comes to an end, I am not without thoughts of previous challenges--as with all years.  However, the END of the year brings a smile on my face.  I think of how my year started and can’t really say it was bad or good. I’m not one to give thought or power to experiences that some would call negative.  I always say, “It’s all good”.  The reality is, it's all GOD.  Whatever experiences I have had in 2011 have moved me in the direction I’m supposed to be going in.  I try to keep my spiritual, moral and personal GPS in line with what God has mapped out for me.  If I am to believe that the various turns my year has taken are those He has orchestrated, then I have no choice but to keep following his direction.  I often say, if your spiritual GPS is always saying, “Recalculating”, then you need to stay His course.  Don’t get me wrong, I have had some “Recalculating” moments in 2011 but when I realize I’m off course, I quickly remind myself that it’s not MY will; it’s His.

So, as I reflect on 2011 and push forward to 2012, I am EXCITED!  I sit here at my laptop in beautiful Santo Domingo, DR and can only be grateful for ALL God has allowed me to do, experience, enjoy, participate in, develop, oppose, direct, support, reject, etc.  It has been a great year! I reflect on how I started 2011 and how I’m ending it and can only say it has gotten better and better.  I welcome 2012 with high hopes and expectations. I trust that it will begin well and end well regardless to what experiences or challenges come my way. Keeping the faith and following God’s GPS reassures me that no matter what the course, it will always end well. Better is the End of a thing than the beginning thereof…..

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

What Would They Say About YOU?

 The sudden death and funeral service of a coworker last week got me thinking a lot about my space in the workplace and on this place we call earth.  Those of us who worked with my coworker all thought highly of him.  To say his death was a shock to all of us would be a gross understatement.  It was so refreshing to hear some people who knew him as “Cool Daddy” also speak well of him. They also viewed him as a person with a big heart, a person with a big personality, and a person who maintained his head in all situations.  As I began my ride back to Raleigh from Henderson I began to wonder what my coworkers, friends and family will say about me when I make my transition.

I’ve always said privately that I want to live my life so that when I die someone would name a building after me. Might be a tall order but it’s something to aspire to.  I think about different jobs I’ve had and how I thought people I worked with might think of me.  I sometimes wonder how I managed to never be fired from a job.  I feel pretty confident that I’ve always done my job well but I have to admit I’ve always had a LOT of MOUTH! (I Just Gotta Say it) I think of some of the ways I’ve challenged those I’ve supervised as well as those who’ve supervised me.  But, I seriously believe that the least any of my current or former coworkers and colleagues could say about me is that I’ve been good at my job.  I laugh to myself when I think of one of my former employees who paid me a great compliment one day.  The CEO told me, “You’ve brought us from a ‘Sanford and Son’ operation to a real corporation”.  What a compliment, right? Well, the funny thing was that he was also handing me a R.I. F. (Reduction In Force) letter letting me know that my position was being eliminated.  Talk about good news and bad news!

Regardless to what positions I’ve held, I think my coworkers and the people I have come in contact with professionally would say good things about me.  I’ve always had a reputation of being a person who is always laughing and acting crazy at work.  Most often, teams I have supervised have taken on the personality of their leader; me.  They tend to be wild and crazy but committed to getting the work done.  When I make my transition my coworkers will probably say, “He was crazy but he was good at what he did”.  At least that’s what I think they would say.  I think my friends and family would probably say just about the same thing about me when I die. Family and friends might say, “He was crazy but he was a good son/brother/uncle/nephew/cousin/friend”.  Whether or not any of them would erect a building in my name is questionable.  I just hope that when I make my transition, somebody would be able to say with confidence that I made a worthwhile contribution to planet earth and its inhabitants.  What would they say about you???

A Marathon; Not a Sprint!

Well, I haven’t blogged in a while.  When I thought about blogging today there were so many things I wanted to talk about. Since my last blog a lot of things have gone on in the world politically that got my attention.  We went through the whole unnecessary Debt Ceiling controversy in July and the presidential campaign has taken off in full swing. Politicians on “The Right” have launched a campaign with the focus of “taking our country back” and making President Obama a “one term president”. 

With all the discussions about whether to raise the Debt Ceiling, there was little discussion regarding the virtually routine process it has been in the past.  George W. Bush raised the Debt Ceiling 7 times, Ronald Regan raised it 18 times, Bill Clinton raised it 4 times and George H. W. Bush raised it 9 times.  How is it that the nation had to almost face default on its financial obligations in order to get something accomplished that has been virtually routine historically.

Now, after finally getting through that unnecessary hurdle, President Obama decides to take a vacation—which we know is a WORKING Vacation.  He decides to spend a few days on Martha’s Vineyard with his family. BUT this is an issue for folks on “The Right”.  Congress (the elected officials responsible for the Debt Ceiling crisis)  is not is session but there are folks that feel President Obama shouldn’t take a vacation. Strange, in comparison, since President Obama has taken only 61 vacation days after 31 months  in office.  At this point in their presidencies, George W. Bush had spent 180 days at his ranch where his staff often joined him for meetings. And Ronald Reagan had taken 112 vacation days at his ranch. Isn’t that interesting? Here’s another case where President Obama seems to be held to a different standard.   Folks on “The Right” appear to be playing up what is routine or normal as abnormal. They just don’t want the man to be in the White House; it’s as simple as that.

Now the GOP candidates are out fighting for the top spot in their party. They all want to face off with the man they want out of the White House. They would like to change the minds of those of us who have supported Our President since that cold day in February, 2077 in Springfield, Illinois; the day when (then)Senator Obama announced his bid for the White House.  I say, DON’T lose your momentum!  

If we had believed all the political pundits during the 2008 campaign, we would not have gone out and voted in record numbers like we did.  If we had believed the hype of conservatives across the nation, we would not have seen the landslide victory we witnessed in November of 2008. Don’t forget those things. 

While the GOP candidates attempt to make a name for themselves they stumble all over each other, fumble all over American history, make insidious comments about Our President and sometimes just make fools of themselves.  I mean, let’s face it; you gotta love Michelle Bachmann.  She’s the “gaffe that keeps on giving”.  I can only imagine some of the gaffes she has stored up for the campaign.  I’m looking forward to  what she’s going to be saying and doing in the months to come as she fights with the other GOP candidates.

What we have to remember is that the race for the White House for the GOP candidates is a Sprint.  They have a short race to get to the place of even being THE candidate to run against President Obama. They’ve got to win against their own people before they can even “get in the ring” with President Obama.  On the other hand, President Obama is running a Marathon.  He already knows he’s the Democratic candidate.  He has 15 more months to assure voters that he’s the best person for the job.  By November of 2012 he will be at full speed in the race. 

We cannot lose heart and allow what we hear in the media to sway us from the course or from supporting Our President.  We did it before. We can do it again. If you have ever seen a marathon race, you know that the winner exerts more energy toward the end of the race.  Let the GOP candidates continue their fight against each other.  Let them continue to throw stones at Our President.  In the end, when he picks up speed, we’ll see a major difference in the direction of the campaign.  Remember, the race for the White House in 2012 is a Marathon, not a Sprint.  The winner will emerge in the end. We’ve seen it before; we’ll see it again!

Sorry, I just Gotta Say It!!

A House is not a HOME

The water pressure is not real strong. The water in the kitchen is REAL hot but if somebody is trying to take a shower in the “other bathroom” while you’re showering, you get low water pressure and limited hot water.  The furniture in the living room is older than most of my nieces and nephews and sleeping on the couch isn’t half as comfortable as it use to be. The den that was the place where we gathered to watch all our favorite TV shows after school sees little to no activity.  The days of having one TV for nine people to watch have long been put to bed.  Now there's a  TV and DVD player in almost all the rooms.  The bedroom my brother and I shared as children has been turned into a pantry; one of my sister’s bedrooms has been turned into an office and the four bedroom house has now become a two bedroom house with an office and a large pantry.  BUT none of these “issues” can prevent 418 Clarendon Avenue from being the HOME it has been for me, my siblings and all my family.

Nothing can compare to spending time in the home I grew up in.  Memories of some of the best laughs, cries, talent shows, deep discussions, dinners, poetry readings, punishments, books read to us by Mama and even chores we were assigned and did or didn’t do are very present in the house each time I enter my parents’ house until the time I leave.  Pictures fill the walls, tables, photo albums and almost any available space chronicling our days in the home of my parents.

Seven children, two parents, cousins, friends and family filled our house in the 70s and 80s ALL the time. My parents had all those children but always welcomed almost anybody we considered our friends.  They fed anybody who was with us. Our friends joked us all the time saying my mom cooked in cafeteria pots. In retrospect, I kinda think she did. It was nothing for us to have an extra body at the table. Even before we made the big move to 418 from 420, my sisters brought friends home all the time.  My oldest sisters cheered for the school and brought some of the guys on the team home who stayed after school for basketball games because it was too far for them to go back to their neighboring towns after school and get back for the games.  They found their place around the table and ate heartily. My parents never grumbled.

My mother has transitioned to heaven and my father has remarried. However, the HOME is still intact. My dad and stepmother love having us there. Nothing makes my dad smile -- and sometimes cry (he’s a crybaby) more than having all his “chickens in the nest”. We may not have the sleeping space we had back in the 70s and 80s and we may not be able to get the entire family around one table anymore but the HOME is still filled with the love and the sense of family it has always been.  The house itself is not the same house it was when we were growing up but the HOME has never changed. The HOME is still there.  It’s not the physical structure that makes it our home. It’s the love and the sense of family that make it our HOME.

A HOUSE IS NOT A HOME!

My Tower

As Father’s Day weekend approaches I must give honor to the man, the monument:  my Father.  I am blessed beyond measure to have been reared and guided by the strength and spirit of a man from very humble beginnings that had the strength, courage and tenacity to raise a family of seven children.  It wasn’t always easy. Even with the help of my mother and the village of extended family and friends, Daddy worked two jobs to feed, clothe and shelter us. In addition to making sure our basic needs were met as children, Daddy makes it his priority even now to provided spiritual and emotional support to all of us in times of joy, pain, struggles, accomplishments and sorrows.  He has been an example of what hard work and commitment really mean.  He has shown us that Love is indeed and action verb.  He demonstrated to us that Godly principles are the foundation to healthy living and that, no matter what, LOVE conquers all.

At age 76, my Daddy continues to be the Priest of the house I’ve learned to be, the community member I want to be and the MAN I can only strive to be.  Although he’s had quite a few birthdays, he continues to be a sharp as a tack cognitively, emotionally and spiritually. He is still my TOWER.  I honor him this Father’s Day weekend by quoting a poem I wrote for him on his 71^st Birthday.  It continues to ring true for me:

LEANING TOWERS

He has always been my Tower;

My strength through the storms of life.

Through Sunday School and Summer Camps

And grades that weren’t always right.

He was the one I counted on

To make things turn out right.

When I was sick and needed care

He too lost sleep at night.

Although my Tower now leans a bit;

His top is turned to gray.

His vision, not a good as before,

Still sees through the words I say.

I see my Tower in the mirror,

The image stills me cold.

It’s comforting knowing he’s here with me.

Leaning Towers are good for the soul.

Happy Father’s day to my Hero; my Daddy:  Willie W. Parker.  No words can ever express my gratitude to my Heavenly Father for planting me in your garden and allowing you to cultivate me. I LOVE YOU!

Life Under New Management

It’s often been said that, “Hind sight is 20/20”, or “Things look a lot different in the Rear View Mirror” or even “If only I had known….”. I guess I can buy that on some basic level.  If truth be told, we can all think back on some of our experiences and apply these thoughts or principles.  Lord knows there are some mistakes I made in the past that “if only I had known” I would not have made them. 

When I teach my class of first-time Drug Offenders, I show them videos with real people telling their real stories of addiction.  Inevitably, the folks on camera say things like, “If I had known [the drug] would have made me drop out of school…”; “If I had known it would make me sell my body and live in Crack Houses…”; “If I had known it would make me steal money from my mother’s purse…..I would have never done it the first time”. I get it. Really I do. But, do I believe it? Naaaahhhhh

My true belief is that there is NO substitute for Experience.  Mickey Howard, one of my all time favorites, says it best in her song, Love Under New Management. The song starts with the lyrics; “Experience is a good teacher…”.  She goes on to say how she learned from the mistakes she made loving someone who didn’t love her back. But now, she’s in love in a whole new way; under new management. Maybe experience is the BEST teacher.

 No matter how many times a parent tells their toddler the stove is hot, they don’t understand the concept until they touch it and feel the temperature on their tiny little fingers. No matter how many times you tell a teenager that unprotected sex can lead to pregnancy and fatal STDs, they don’t really get it until they are parents and/or infected.  No matter how many times you tell a college student they need to explore part-time employment opportunities related to their field of study, they don’t get it until they graduate with a resume’ incongruent with their career aspirations and jobless.  No matter how many times a person hears how bad or dangerous a thing is, the ultimate decision is their own. The truth of the matter is, all those mistakes or experiences help to shape who we become.  Were it not for the mistakes or bad decisions some of our parents and forefathers made, some of us wouldn’t even be here.   

More information about the dangers of a particular thing does not guarantee a positive outcome but listening to this information can help. After all, most of the students in my classes had D.A.R.E. in elementary school or participated in other preventive programming at some point. Would things be different if they really believed the information they were presented? My guess is that they did believe it. They just had to experience it for themselves. At best educators, parents, caregivers, families, friends, etc. are simply planting seeds in hopes that something “grows”.

In this season of graduations, I am reminded of all the different advice I received from parents, teachers, friends, etc. and think about how much of it I really listened to.  I think about how many graduating high school, college and even elementary school students have heard a lot of advice over the years.  My greatest hope is that some of the seeds planted will grow. However, the ultimate direction of a person’s life is driven by the decisions they make; good or bad.  Our experiences shape who we are, who we’ve been and who we will become.  Now sing it for us Mickey:  “Experience is a good teacher……..”

In contemplating all these things I have decided to recommit myself to listening more. I’m committed to making better decisions in life.  I’m committing myself to learning from past decisions and mistakes; mine and other folks’. I’m making a decision to living LIFE UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT.

My Other Mother

Since the age of 28, Mother’s Day Weekend has always been a time of indifference for me. It has been that way since that fateful day in July when the most important lady in my life, Earla Mae Hankins Parker, moved from labor to reward. Some years are better than others. Sometimes I can hang out with friends, family, mothers and others. Sometimes I stay inside, watch reruns of sitcoms and pretend the day is nothing special. RARELY do I attend church on Mother’s Day. I learned how sad it was for folks whose mothers have passed when, as a child, I saw my father and my grandmother weep like a babies during service.  His mother passed when he was around 3 years old and her mother passed when she was an adult. It was sad for me to see them so sad even though my mother was alive and present. I vowed to never go to church on Mother’s Day, “if something ever happens to Mama”.

This year I began my decent upon the Mother’s Day weekend with my usual angst. I entered my office on Thursday not really feeling the buzz in the air anticipating the big weekend. Minutes after arriving, I was informed that one of my coworkers had just gotten the news that his mother had a massive heart attack and died. What?? This guy adores his mother! We had a conversation about his family and his mother less than a month ago and I could tell how close he was to her. I couldn’t believe it! It really shut my Pity Party down! No invitations will be sent out, no special meal will be served, no avoiding the world; still no church--- I’m not that good yet. I realized I am so blessed to have, and have had, so many people in my life who call me their son- and mean it! Although my biological mother is not physically present, I have another mother who provides me with things I thought I’d never have again after Mama passed.

My stepmother ‘stepped into’ my life long before she earned the title of Stepmother.  She was my Typing teacher in high school (yeah, they called it “Typing” back then). It’s funny how I would pick at her and tell her she didn’t faze me with her fussing and tough attitude because I had somebody just like her at home. We got along just fine as teacher and student.  She was one of my favorite.  I never would have thought that well into adulthood, after I turned 30 years old, she’d be the woman to provide the matriarchal duties to my family. 

  

I must admit it was somewhat strange the first few years. Not because I had any feelings about her being with my dad. It was just strange seeing someone other than Mama with him. We all had to work through our awkwardness to get to the place we are today but she has taken every step of “step motherhood” with care, caution and most importantly LOVE. Not only has she been the helpmeet we read of between Genesis and Revelations, she has been a source of wisdom, guidance and support for all 7 of Mama and Daddy’s children, all 16 of their grandchildren and all 9 ½ of their great-grandchildren.  And she does this while being the matriarch for her biological family whose number I can’t begin to take a stab at. What a woman!

Although she’s sometimes misunderstood by some members of our family and her biological family—everybody can’t appreciate a strong woman—she maintains the position God has placed her in and never waivers in her faith in God and what he has entrusted to her.  Her hair has changed colors since I first met her, her movements are not as fast and various aches and pains inhibit her activities BUT she still gives everything she has to take excellent care of my Daddy. If that was the only thing she did, I still couldn’t thank her enough. She’s one in a million.

So, on this sometimes dreaded holiday weekend, I honor my “Other Mother”.  A woman who’s love for family and community and who’s faith in God lights up her environment.  Happy Mother’s day Carolyn Victoria Berkley Parker! You are loved more than you know!!

I Cry and then I Smile

I cry for a national leader whose constant fight with his constituents to maintain basic human rights and dignities for the “un” and “miss” represented are met with unconditional resistance;

I cry for a national leader who despite being vetted by the highest level and most qualified governmental bodies has to constantly prove himself a citizen of that nation;

And then I smile when I see him stand flat-footed behind a podium bearing the seal of the highest office of the nation and speak with confidence and authority to the world about who he is and his plan to move the nation forward.

I cry for a family whose grocery and gas bills make it difficult to pay the monthly mortgage, rent or car payment;

I cry for a family’s inability to maintain health coverage because their income exceeds established poverty levels for public assistance and the cost of premiums would render them unable to feed their family;

And then I smile when I realize that extended Unemployment Benefits, Healthcare Reform and Home Foreclosures continue to be a priority for the highest ranking leader of the free world.

I cry for young boys and young girls whose lack of healthy pro-social activities and resources find themselves in anti-social activities that lead to self-destructive outcomes;

I cry for a village that historically prided itself on collective work and responsibility now turns a blind eye to its responsibility for ensuring that children, teens and ‘tweens’ have safe and healthy social outlets;

And then I smile when I remember the resilience of the community and how, no matter what, it seems to find a way to recoup the basic elements of its core values and pulls itself out of seemingly hopeless situations.

I cry for the sadness that fills the air and devastates a small town at the loss of a shining star whose light is snuffed out long before he ever knew his full potential;

I cry for a young mother who is forced to say goodbye to her only son, grandparents who say goodbye to their grandson and a families who will never be the same because of dreams that will never be realized;

And then I smile at the outpouring of love shown by extended family, friends, co-workers, schoolmates, teammates – a community determined to provide the most and the best support possible at the worst possible time.

I cry for a new born baby who enters the world wide-eyed and full of life yet blind to the obstacles ahead;

And then I smile when I realize where there is life there is HOPE and that ANYTHING is possible.

In the Beginning....

...was the word. Although the word to which I refer is not necessarily "the word of God", I do feel it all starts with a word.  After all, could a blog ever exist if the first word were never written?  Could the world have ever been created if God had not spoken it into existence?  Could any conversation begin without the first word being spoken?  It all begins with one word. So here it is; my first word as an official "Blogger".  While I don't know exactly what I'll chose to blog about from time to time, I do know that there are times I feel the need to say something. When that happens, I just "Gotta Say It".  So that's what the name of my Blog will be. Whatever hits me hard enough will make me blog.

Welcome to my world. I hope you enjoy the journey......