My Tower

As Father’s Day weekend approaches I must give honor to the man, the monument:  my Father.  I am blessed beyond measure to have been reared and guided by the strength and spirit of a man from very humble beginnings that had the strength, courage and tenacity to raise a family of seven children.  It wasn’t always easy. Even with the help of my mother and the village of extended family and friends, Daddy worked two jobs to feed, clothe and shelter us. In addition to making sure our basic needs were met as children, Daddy makes it his priority even now to provided spiritual and emotional support to all of us in times of joy, pain, struggles, accomplishments and sorrows.  He has been an example of what hard work and commitment really mean.  He has shown us that Love is indeed and action verb.  He demonstrated to us that Godly principles are the foundation to healthy living and that, no matter what, LOVE conquers all.

At age 76, my Daddy continues to be the Priest of the house I’ve learned to be, the community member I want to be and the MAN I can only strive to be.  Although he’s had quite a few birthdays, he continues to be a sharp as a tack cognitively, emotionally and spiritually. He is still my TOWER.  I honor him this Father’s Day weekend by quoting a poem I wrote for him on his 71^st Birthday.  It continues to ring true for me:

LEANING TOWERS

He has always been my Tower;

My strength through the storms of life.

Through Sunday School and Summer Camps

And grades that weren’t always right.

He was the one I counted on

To make things turn out right.

When I was sick and needed care

He too lost sleep at night.

Although my Tower now leans a bit;

His top is turned to gray.

His vision, not a good as before,

Still sees through the words I say.

I see my Tower in the mirror,

The image stills me cold.

It’s comforting knowing he’s here with me.

Leaning Towers are good for the soul.

Happy Father’s day to my Hero; my Daddy:  Willie W. Parker.  No words can ever express my gratitude to my Heavenly Father for planting me in your garden and allowing you to cultivate me. I LOVE YOU!

Life Under New Management

It’s often been said that, “Hind sight is 20/20”, or “Things look a lot different in the Rear View Mirror” or even “If only I had known….”. I guess I can buy that on some basic level.  If truth be told, we can all think back on some of our experiences and apply these thoughts or principles.  Lord knows there are some mistakes I made in the past that “if only I had known” I would not have made them. 

When I teach my class of first-time Drug Offenders, I show them videos with real people telling their real stories of addiction.  Inevitably, the folks on camera say things like, “If I had known [the drug] would have made me drop out of school…”; “If I had known it would make me sell my body and live in Crack Houses…”; “If I had known it would make me steal money from my mother’s purse…..I would have never done it the first time”. I get it. Really I do. But, do I believe it? Naaaahhhhh

My true belief is that there is NO substitute for Experience.  Mickey Howard, one of my all time favorites, says it best in her song, Love Under New Management. The song starts with the lyrics; “Experience is a good teacher…”.  She goes on to say how she learned from the mistakes she made loving someone who didn’t love her back. But now, she’s in love in a whole new way; under new management. Maybe experience is the BEST teacher.

 No matter how many times a parent tells their toddler the stove is hot, they don’t understand the concept until they touch it and feel the temperature on their tiny little fingers. No matter how many times you tell a teenager that unprotected sex can lead to pregnancy and fatal STDs, they don’t really get it until they are parents and/or infected.  No matter how many times you tell a college student they need to explore part-time employment opportunities related to their field of study, they don’t get it until they graduate with a resume’ incongruent with their career aspirations and jobless.  No matter how many times a person hears how bad or dangerous a thing is, the ultimate decision is their own. The truth of the matter is, all those mistakes or experiences help to shape who we become.  Were it not for the mistakes or bad decisions some of our parents and forefathers made, some of us wouldn’t even be here.   

More information about the dangers of a particular thing does not guarantee a positive outcome but listening to this information can help. After all, most of the students in my classes had D.A.R.E. in elementary school or participated in other preventive programming at some point. Would things be different if they really believed the information they were presented? My guess is that they did believe it. They just had to experience it for themselves. At best educators, parents, caregivers, families, friends, etc. are simply planting seeds in hopes that something “grows”.

In this season of graduations, I am reminded of all the different advice I received from parents, teachers, friends, etc. and think about how much of it I really listened to.  I think about how many graduating high school, college and even elementary school students have heard a lot of advice over the years.  My greatest hope is that some of the seeds planted will grow. However, the ultimate direction of a person’s life is driven by the decisions they make; good or bad.  Our experiences shape who we are, who we’ve been and who we will become.  Now sing it for us Mickey:  “Experience is a good teacher……..”

In contemplating all these things I have decided to recommit myself to listening more. I’m committed to making better decisions in life.  I’m committing myself to learning from past decisions and mistakes; mine and other folks’. I’m making a decision to living LIFE UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT.